On being a student and a mother

Parenting is tough.  Equally tough is being a student.  Combine the two and you've got yourself a challenging time.  I started my Master's degree when my oldest daughter was 20 months old.  This year she started junior kindergarten, and I'm still. working. on. my. degree...

Granted, in that time, I've also added another daughter to our family, done a little traveling (The Bahamas! The Florida Keys!...nothing THAT exciting) and also worked full-time at an office job.

Having kids and being a student essentially means being pretty much mediocre at both roles.  There are times when I would love to be on the ground colouring with my kids, but instead I'm hunched over journal articles, highlighting and note-taking like a madwoman.  Other times, I've had to write papers in a series of late-night sessions, after a full day of primary care-giving.  When that happens, I tend to say fuck it when it comes to my editing, only to regret it when I get feedback from my instructors.  

I've had to miss group meetings because I needed to pick up my kid at school.   I've had to push an instructor to give me earlier office hours because I needed to get home and nurse my baby.  I've never apologized for being a parent/student, but I'm sure I've inconvenienced people, my classmates and instructors alike, and that's pretty crappy.

And while I'm nearly done my studies (as long as I can achieve the completion of my research by the end of June) if I could go back in time and meet past me, I would definitely have encouraged myself to complete grad school BEFORE I had kids.  I can't imagine that I will pursue any higher education, at least not until my children have achieved a higher level of independence and/or we're rich enough to hire help (which is a very pie in the sky statement).

But, at the same time, I do enjoy keeping myself busy, and keeping myself challenged.  As well, I like that my daughters see me working hard and achieving a goal.  I continue to remind them that their education is so very important.  Michelle Obama said being smart made her feel cool.  I think being smart is cool.  I hope they feel that way too.  

At this point though, I long for the end of June, when, unbelievably, all of this work should (WILL!) be done.  When I can read books with my kids, spend entire afternoons baking with them, playing with playdough, and just generally going at their speed, without the always looming deadline present in my mind.

Things Fall Apart: Chinua Achebe

(Photo credit: Craig Ruttle/AP via Guardian)

Listening to the drone of news this morning, regurgitating  some highlights and lowlights of our Federal budget, the only real story that made my ears perk was the announcement that Chinua Achebe had died at the age of 82.

What does the death of an octogenarian Nigerian author mean to me?  Well, I’ve indirectly been influenced by Achebe for years.

Achebe is best known for his book, Things Fall Apart, and while for years I’ve meant to pick it up, I never actually got around to reading it.

The first time this sentence entered my realm of consciousness I was a 17 year old buying her first hip hop CD.  The Roots Things Fall Apart.  (ok that's not true.  I had actually bought the Ma$e CD in the 8th grade...)

And with that began my forever love of The Roots...

The next time I heard of Achebe was nearly 6 years later.  Even throughout the completion of my Bachelor's degree in International Relations, I still never picked up Achebe's novel.  

But then someone introduced my to the writings of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi and I became a superfan.  There are some writers that you read once, and you know you'll read everything they ever publish for the rest of your life, or theirs, whichever lasts longer.  My list isn't long, but includes Margaret Atwood, Bill Bryson (weird I know), Zadie Smith, Joseph Boyden and Chimamanda Ngoza Adichi.  

I quickly read everything by Adichi that I could get my hands on, and Half of a Yellow Sun remains one of my favourite books ever (for-ever, ever?).

(photo credit: Amazon)

Adichi references Achebe throughout that book, and I've read articles where she has discussed the influence that Achebe has had not just on Nigerian writing, but on African writing on the whole.  

Now, Adichi's writing about Nigeria opened my eyes to the Biafran Nation, something I knew nothing about.  In fact, I had only heard the word Biafra once before, as the last name of Jello Biafra, the lead singer of the 80's punk band the Dead Kennedy's.  All of a sudden this entire new nation unfolded before my eyes, page by page.  And the it collapsed.  And while at a nation-state level it was likely inevitable, reading about it for the first time through the humanistic writing of Adichi made me so sad for it, so sad for the Biafran's, and for everyone starved, killed and injured in that pursuit.

Since then, I've kept Nigeria in my heart and in my mind.  I love to listen to both Fela and Femi Kuti, and was lucky enough to catch Femi Kuti in concert in Vancouver in 2007.  I follow Nigerian current events on international news, and I hope to visit the country one day.  

And I think that if it weren't for Achebe, I and a million non-Nigerians the world over who have become transfixed with the country, and who maybe even feel invested in it, even in some.tiny.way would be left perhaps never having been introduced to this country.  I think this a very big public service that Achebe provided for his nation.  

So, here's to you Chinua Achebe.  Thank you for opening up the world to me and to millions of others.   

Teething Delirium

Daffers via my BB

The above photo is a wonderful depiction of how terrifically tired I feel, as expressed by my infant daughter.  D is sprouting a few more teeth, and her pain happened to worsen at around 5 AM.  5 AM also happens to be my can`t-get-back-to-sleep-if-wakened time.  So, I am tired to the nth degree, Daff is napping, and H is spending an awful lot of time watching Dora today.  Although we did have a crafting picnic on the rug where we collaged and made flag banners with origami paper.  That was fun.  Also, it is pouring rain, so all of our bike riding and or strolling plans were literally dampened.  Officially, an unawesome Tuesday.  

PS I know what you`re thinking: Is Daff crawling around at some ancient Greek ruin.  Nope, those are just the ridiculously ornate support beams holding up the indoor pergola in our rental. And yes, that wall colour is essentially Mexican Tan, the bane of my existence.  Can`t wait to live in a house that we OWN!

An Ode to Found Toys

We've been exploring, and lately, we've been finding quite a few homeless toys.  Lately I've been letting H pick them up to be scrubbed down at home, for a few reasons:

1) Found toys are free toys

2)Found toys left on the ground are essentially litter, and litter bugs we ain't!

3)Found toys left on the ground end up having rough, scary nights, where they are 
unprotected from wild dogs and ravaging rains.

4)Found toys are easily gotten over once they're sucked back into the vortex of lost toys.

thanks instagram!

Here's our latest find.  See that smile?  He is watching the rain and the wind whip outdoors following his warm and soapy bath.  I think he's counting his lucky stars that we found him before he was left out to the elements and the mosquitoes.

Rainy Days and Museums = Made for Each Other

(all photos from my instagram)

While today is dry so far, yesterday there was so much rain in Toronto that the subway flooded.


I for one enjoy the odd rainy day, as it gives us all a chance to chill out, relax, and do something inside.  Like going to the museum.  


We headed to the Royal Ontario Museum the other day and checked out the sites.  I was really impressed with how engaged our 3.5 year old was.  She didn't get bored once.  She did however want to get the heck out of the bat cave as soon as possible. 


Personally, I was really into all the jewelry from ancient Rome.  And can we talk about that gift shop?  I had to  put my blinders on just to get out of there with my wallet intact.

(can you imagine having this dressing mirror in your house?)

(Reading teepee...complete with fake buffalo skin pillows.  

Shouldn't we all have a reading teepee?)

When I was a kid we had a framed German poster in our house about museums being fun.  I thought it said museums can be space machines (since I don't understand any German).   Those Germans are right.  Museums are fun.  Especially when you get to experience them with kids.

Our museum adventure was followed by a delicious lunch at C5, the restaurant in the newly added section of the museum.  What a space, and a fantastic, laid back menu.

The Importance of Napping

(photo of NAP pillow covers: counterculturedesign etsy shop)

Napping.  What an incredibly subjective topic.  Yet so important!  I personally can't stand napping.  I'm one of those people who gets really groggy and actually feels worse following a nap than they did before.  If I'm going to snooze for any length of time, give me at least 6 hours!  On the flip side, my own father can actually lay on a couch (a couch!?!), fall asleep for 10 minutes (10 minutes?!!  WTF?!?!) and then wake up feeling like he just bathed in a cool spring full of daisies and lilacs (he's actually never described it as such, but I've seen the pep in his step following his mini siestas, which has led me to believe that my description is accurate.)

My husband, as well, is a fan of the nap.  He is actually having a 5 o'clock vacation nap as I type.  He gets it from his mother who could nap on a deck chair through a hurricane.  Ok, slight exaggeration...she could nap through a tropical storm.  

But really, to me, naps are most important for children and babies.  My eldest was always a great napper, but she is getting to the age where she wants to phase out the naps.  The problem is, she needs to nap.  When rested, she is the world's MOST PLEASANT child.  When she is in need of rest, her stubborn, sullen side comes out.  On our recent trip to the Florida Keys, we didn't keep up with naps, and there were plenty of tears and tantrums by bed time.  Today, I made sure to get back into the napping schedule.  For her sanity, and for my sanity.  For our mutual sanity.

As for the baby, she's napping about 2-3 times a day.  She'll wake up around 8 AM, then nap about 11 AM, for roughly an hour.  She'll then take a mid afternoon nap around 3:00  PM, about the same time that her sister goes down.  Another short nap around 5:30 or 6 PM will keep her in good spirits through bath and bedtime at 8:00 PM.  

Definitely my favourite nap of the day is the afternoon nap, when there's some overlapping quiet time.

When it comes to myself, not only do I feel groggy following a nap, I also feel guilty.  There's something grotesquely decadent about daytime napping to me.  But really, many studies show it is incredibly important for our health and for combating stress.  Maybe I can train myself to nap.  Or maybe I'll nap when I'm older.  

Ah, naps.

Playground Love

There seem to be two times in your life when you really, truly appreciate a good playground.  Once as a kid, and then once again as a parent of small kids.  Maybe again as a grandparent? I suppose it depends how hands on you are.


Why do I love playgrounds so much?  Time for a list!


1.) They're equal opportunists!  Anyone can use a playground, you don't have to pay to get in, you can be rich OR poor.  Playgrounds love us all equally.


2.) Playgrounds are outdoors (you know, normally).  The outdoors is full of fresh air and sunshine.  Two things that are wonderful for kids, fresh air and Vitamin D.  And at the playground, they're free.

(Phoenix "Playground Love" cover)

3.) Playgrounds of today are amazing.  I found a playground in Davisville in Toronto that has many items to entertain and educate children of ALL abilities, which is awesome.  It's also awesome to see kids of all abilities playing together instead of being made aware of their differences.

4.)  Playgrounds allow for independence, for both parents and kids.  Parents can lay around and listen to podcasts about knitting while their kids happily shovel sand with other little kids (That might juuuust be me).

I could go on and on and on, ad nauseum, but instead I'll share a romantic looking photo from our playground foray this aft, thanks to Instagram.

(photos by me, thanks to instagram)

If anyone else wants to join my playground appreciation society, feel free.  I'm sure I'm not alone in my love of the public playground.

A New Sunday Tradition

Library of Congress via Flickr

Our Cinco de Mayo party was a blast, with roughly 40 people, including 12 kids.  The pinata was a real hit (required pun) and what made it even more exciting was that Hazel was the one to break it open.
Of course, prepping for the party all night Friday, and then again all day Saturday, and then partying until 11:30 PM (that's late for kids!  And for parents of kids!!), followed by a quick blitz clean up, left our whole house crawling into bed early Sunday morning, only to have to get up again (due to my internal alarm clock) at 7:30 AM.

So, after we finished the last dregs of cleaning, and made up some delicious pancakes, we decided to all go back to bed in the Big Bed, to watch Winnie the Pooh and The (Oscar Winning) Muppets Movie, while the adults read books or napped, and Daphne nursed and slept.   

And, man!  Was it awesome!  We were all still in our PJ's, drinking tea and apple juice, and chomping on raisins in bed.  I'm sure Daphne thinks we'd all lost the plot as we free-formed renditions of 'Man or Muppet' the rest of the afternoon ("I'm a manly, manly muppet!")

The rest of the day was spent reading books (SJ: Game of Thrones book 4, H and I: Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), colouring, painting wood magnets from the pinata, and playing chutes and ladders. We didn't even have to make supper since we had so many leftovers.

I decided that the best thing to from now on would be to get all household duties done on Saturday, so that we could dedicate Sundays to rest days, as a family.

I know this concept is older than the bible, but we've always sort of kept busy and started the weeks prep for Sunday, and now I've seen another way, I can't look back.  

Our family is young, so family traditions are only just beginning, but I'd love to hear a few more ideas from you.